What happens in the dating world, seldom stays in the dating world. It’s a fact of life, part of evolution. It gets passed from one person to the next, so we can live and learn and hopefully do things differently. So what happened in the soft spring heat of southern Ireland when a cool, independent high achiever, met another, cool, independent high achiever?
It started as most relationships do these days. On an app. On a glossy rose gold phone slipped inside a ridiculously expensive handbag; that happened to belong to Leigh. She swiped like, he swiped back. They chatted casually for a week or so then he booked a hotel room and traveled quite a distance to meet her. First impressions were so so, but the conversation was the Dom Peringnon to her Cristal. All sparks and fireworks and so things began to warm up in places she had thought he would never be allowed to touch.
And so they met again, and again, until she was won over by his charming ways. How he opened the door and ordered her very specific drink. How he talked business with attitude and then went soft about cooking. How he longed for children and adored to travel. So that by the time she was leaving his hotel the morning after their fourth date, she was so entangled in his charm and wit that she hadn’t even seen it coming. It wasn’t until later, when she caught her eyes uneasily scanning her phone, that she thought something was odd. It had been hours and he hadn’t text. Why hadn’t he text? It was that night when he sent a short, quick witted message suggesting they meet later the following week; it was in that exact moment, when something inside her flipped in a mixture of annoyance and fear that she realized what was happening - she had done the unthinkable. The unheard of. She had fallen for him!
Falling for a guy can do crazy things to even the most sane of women. The most controlled and emotionally aware of ladies can come crashing to their knees at lightening fast speed, crumbling into a tense, needy mess. Leigh was becoming just that. She could see it happening, all of it, she could see herself reaching to check her phone every five minutes (quite literally), but she couldn’t stop herself. Nor could she stop her mind running away with her on a freight train of fear fretting over the tiniest things, like the wording of his message, was it cold? Aloof? Just a keep her quite response? Suddenly his playing cool was being twisted into something altogether different, she was beginning to wonder if it was arrogance, worse still, total lack of interest? Surely if you like someone you want to see them sooner, surely even if you’re busy, and believe me, she was busy, then you at least imply, or hint that you’re disappointed. Surely you give something to reassure the other party?! Not this guy. He was giving nothing. Nada. He was acting as though they hadn’t quite met yet. Like there was no connection to bother thinking about. But they had and there was. Or so she thought. Oh cripes – what was happening?
The melt down had begun. She was on the cusp of being needy. Of texting him too many times with petty little nudges. Too many times saying she wanted to see him. She was becoming so flustered, so frustrated, so tied up in knots; she thought it best to pull the plug on the whole thing. Get rid of this desperate, clingy girl she was becoming, this alter self he was bringing out in her had to go. She was like the break down self you never hope to meet and unless he started playing ball, there was no getting a grip on her or telling what she might do next. Arrive at his office in a mac, nothing but suspenders and a sign round her neck reading ‘text me, then peek beneath’? God, that idea even seemed appealing.
No. It had to stop.
What the hell was happening to her? She had no idea. But I did.
She liked him. She liked him too much, too soon and had no idea if he was feeling the same.
So did she cut her losses? Nope, she’s still waiting to see if her alter self can get a grip on his cool handed ways…. And, to be honest, so am I.