We’ve all heard this line. Usually when someone is trying to make us feel better about something that is most probably, totally and utterly crap. So they pull this line out of the bag. But is it really true, does absence actually make the heart grow fonder?
Unless you’ve road tested it, you wouldn’t really know. I have. I am. Over and over and over again and do you know, one thing’s for certain – it’s a challenge.
In my life, I’ve known two people who’ve dealt with long distance relationships. One is gay, utterly fabulous and self aware enough to admit that distance is a selfish choice that keeps things fresh in the passion department, gives him freedom to live his life how he likes, when he likes and always leaves a little to the imagination. The other, well this set up is very different. She’s happily married, has beautiful children, only one glitch; daddy lives and works in England. One long ass flight away if the baby is screaming through the night, or someone needs to run to the shop for a pint of milk. It didn’t start out this way but do we ever know where we’re going to be or how we’ll end up when we start down the long winding road of love? Clearly not. So while she’s lying on the sofa sipping tea, two mini me’s tucked in upstairs, he’s having late night pints after work and playing playstation while he skypes. Is absence making the heart grow fonder? Hell no, but it’s certainly a stark reminder of the wedding vows. It’s not how you imagine, distance does not make her knickers drop when he opens the door, or have her swooning when he climbs into bed having missed his flight home. Instead it pisses her off that he missed the kids, or that he doesn’t even know where the plates are kept. That he swans in after weeks away and can’t remember if it’s bath night. Pants may be melting by late Sunday night but it took a weekend of hard work to get them to simmer.
Then there’s me.
Did I want to walk into something with a man who spends half his life flitting around the world? No. It means whats app and all hours phone calls. Missing him, and then missing him some more, until he’s been away so long that I forget how he smells, or feels, or the stupid little things he does that make me laugh. So that I reach the point of living like he isn’t around, like he never was and by then he’s on the home run. It’s not easy. Anyone who says it is, is either lying, or not that into him. If you ask me, it takes a very particular sort of woman to handle it, and handle it well. Am I that sort? The jury’s still out on that one. Try asking me in a few more months.
So the conclusion – absence making the heart grow fonder, not only depends on the circumstances but more than anything, depends on the person. What floats one boat, may sink another. What has her kite riding high, may just get his tied in knots.