Can sex and friendship ever be kept separate?

It’s the age old question, but can sex with a best friend ever just be physical? We like to think it can but if you reflect back on your own experiences, or those of the friends around you, for just how long did things stay on either side of the line? Sex here. Friendship there. And why do we even want that? We know why a lot of men want it, but why do women go looking for a fuck buddy?

Here’s my theory.

For a lot of women, casual sex is a no, no. The list as to why is endless but largely because when you wake up in the morning aching from last nights quick fix to a blank in box and empty call register, that little self esteem boost dwindles against the list of insecurities that are racking up like unpaid bills. But maybe you’re just out of a long term relationship, or your careers your priority or hell, you just couldn’t be assed with tending to another persons needs before your own, so what are your choices. Many, many people fall back on an ex. You know, the one things just didn’t work out with but oh, the sex was just sooooo good (everyone has one). Why not give him a call? Sex with the ex is cliché for a reason. It works. There’s a past, there’s a trust and they’ve seen it all before. Cherry on the top – who’s using who here? Women tend to hold the cards on this one. But maybe the ex isn’t an option, what then? Panic stations! In strolls old reliable. The man in your life that you have no intention of sexualizing – until now.

This seems to go one of two ways. Boom, you go in for the kill and the magic happens. In which case you probably marry him two years later, wondering why you wasted so much time dating losers when he was right there holding your hand all along. Or, and this is the dreaded or, the one that puts friendships precariously on the edge… wake the next day cringing with embarrassment that he’s now seen your lady bits, which in itself feels a little incestuous and you are adamant it will never, ever happen again. Only he doesn’t see it that way. Crikey! This little adventure just got messy.

Seems sex with a friend may not be the best path to choose because if you’re already that close and now you suddenly fancy him, you should be dating him anyway and if you don’t, then don’t go looking for seedlings where the ground is parched. There seems to be only one logical way to make set ups like this work – shag the guy you can’t stand. The one that has you drooling at the sight of him but everything else is void. That way there’s absolutely no room for complications. It’s cut and dry, a no negotiation contract with an instant termination clause.

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